Worthy

Good morning.

It’s been a while since I’ve been on here. I am hoping today finds you well. I find myself in my 8^th month of pregnancy – and what a journey.

The last 8 months have been easier than the 14 years it took to get here… but this month seems a little rough. I know many of you have gone before me in this journey and understand the sleepless nights (I know you are thinking… just wait till little bambino arrives…) but that’s where I’m feeling some angst.

God has used these last few months for a long hard look at me. I am realizing how much I have let outside circumstances control me. Can I get an amen? I have seen years of my life lived through an unhealthy lens. In the end – I have not lived like a daughter of the most high. I have lived feeling like I can’t live up to and don’t deserve to be in the room with the rest of His daughters.

How many of us have such a cloudy view? The culprit is insecurity – and it is rampant in women. We are taught from day one about competition. We are brought up in society to strive to be what media deems as a worthy woman. And we actually challenge ourselves to be that. How can we take a messed up society and put our worth and value in what they think?

The answer is where we put our time. We listen to what people say. We let everyone around us influence our decisions. We read magazines, watch TV and listen to a radio where we want to swing from the light fixtures… (I can’t get that song out of my head now…)

Are we filling our minds with truth though? Is our best image a 5’10 Photo shopped model that hasn’t eaten in 3 years? The answer is… NO.

I realized that at the end of my anxiety rant of not fitting into anything, and feeling a little like the hot air balloons we are decorating my nursery in… that my time has not been well spent the last few months. I am striving to figure out how to get a nursery put together and I need to sit back down and listen to One who created me.

The truth: I am chosen, adopted, transformed, renewed and loved. Did you know you are too?

My Goal: To spend time with the one who gives peace. To hear what He has to say about me. I know I’ve talked a lot about this this summer – but that’s been my road. I think he wants to help me rid myself of lies before this baby comes. I don’t want to put my crazy insecurities on him.

My other goal: That you as well take time to hear truth. You are called. You have a calling. God has chosen you to be the mom, coworker, teacher, friend, sister, wife, collaborator, or whatever he has put you in, and you are there with a mission and purpose. You are designed to accomplish the task with His help. Today – I want you to put Him at the helm. What is He saying to you? Where does He want you? What is He teaching you?

I heard a piece of a study by Mark Batterson (from his new book ‘If’) and he was explaining the time we spend with God. We as reactatory people live in so much condemnation over confessed sins – that we don’t actually hear truth. He said condemnation is guilt over confessed sins and conviction is guilt over unconfessed sins. In life we live in guilt over sins we have confessed. We spend a lot of time regretting sins that we commit, but not so much in sins we ‘omit.’ Sins of omission are sins of things we need to do, but don’t. I think that’s been this examination of my viewpoint. We work on trying to not sin the way we always do, but we don’t always realize that we are sinning by not doing.

Hang on here – there is a point. I am not living like a God ordained child. I am living like a flawed individual not even seeing that I hand my worth over willingly to other people. This is the meaning of the verses Psalm 139:23-24 – Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

This isn’t to condemn you – it’s to help you see that you may be living in a state you don’t even realize. Daily I see new things that shaped my thinking. I see how I react to things, and I am completely wrong. These things shape my reactions and my long term belief not only of myself and who I am, but also of my low view point of God.

Truth – I have gained weight…a good amount – but it is to carry the gift He has given me, and this gift seems to like steak biscuits and gravy.

Lie- I look horrible, I can’t believe how much weight I have gained, I need to eat 100 calories a day till he comes…

If I live in the truth, then I don’t care what people think – and I can enjoy the fact that I am pregnant – something I wasn’t sure would ever happen. I can live abundantly with Christ and his promise by the renewing and transforming of my mind. (Romans 12:2)

If I live in the lie, then I take every ‘large, fat, your about to pop’ comment to heart – knowing I have another month and will get bigger. I will live miserably hating what I see instead of cherishing a promise that God is handing me. I will live in anxiety.

I know I’m not alone. I know that we do this with so many things in our lives.

Ladies (and gentlemen,) let’s live in the truth. Today –gird yourself with the belt of truth. Spend time with Jesus. Ask him to bathe you in truth and peace. You’ve got a heck of a life to live. Do you want to live in anxiety or abundance?

Let’s live in abundance. I have a precious gift that I want to cherish.

You are a precious gift from God and you are cherished. Let’s act like it!

The Victor

Exodus 14:14
Good morning!

Since I have written the last blog – there have been a few challenges that have attacked specific parts of the armor. So I thought today would be a good day to start looking at some individual pieces.

Some of our greatest battles are in our mind. Do you ever arrive at work in a total bad mood because of what you had been thinking all morning?

Do you set up scenarios with people in your mind, where they do something you don’t like and you are telling them what you think? Do they happen to be people who rub you wrong? This can be family, coworkers, and potential co-workers, specific friends you work out with, or go to church with? The enemy has many strategies to play us against each other. Disunity is a huge detriment to the church. The longer we are mad at each other and don’t trust each other, the less we do for Christ.

I read a blog from the book of Nehemiah about using our position to fight for those who can’t fight for themselves. We take stands when we see injustice, but do we cause injustice ourselves?

I think it’s easy as women to be intimidated by other women, and some voices of authority. We cave, we think of ourselves as weak. We tip toe around not to upset anybody. It’s time to claim our ground back.

We are daughters / and children of the King. We are heirs to a throne. We have the power at work within us – that very power that raised Christ from the dead. Do we tap into that power, and how do we do it?

First – I think we have to get a little mad. I am tired of letting thoughts control me, my attitude, and my emotion. That thought can be fear, anger, misunderstanding, etc. Our minds are the battle field.

Second – since I am over being controlled, I realized that Scripture is in fact alive and active. Sharper than any two edge sword. The offensive weapon in the armor we talked about last week (Ephesians 6:10-17) is the Sword of the Spirit – which is the word of God. God has given us His word, and I think we are too surrounded by circumstances and distractions to hear what He is saying. Not only that – I don’t think we believe in the power of His word.

We have the Lord God at our disposal – and we watch TV instead. I do this. I let social media take over my night – or reality TV. The way to win the battle is to know. We need to know that there is a battle every day. As we draw closer to the Lord’s return – the battle increases. If we – as Christians – are handicapped, or distracted – we do not have a divine impact on this time. Some people are ok with that. Some can live their lives going to church once a week – and then living their life as normal for the rest. There are a spare few though – that want to become what they are made to be in Christ – and it begins with knowing Him and His word.

So how do we do this?

1.       Dive deeper.

a.       Get involved with a Bible Study. I know the Lord has greatly used Bible studies by Beth Moore, Priscilla Shirer, Kay Arthur, Kelly Minter, Jen Hatmaker, and Jennie Allen. Find a book to read – most of these ladies I just mentioned have also written books.

b.      Find an area where you struggle and work on it. If something isn’t blessing you, put it aside and find another book.

Here are a few books that pertain to certain areas.

                                                               i.      The ‘Circle Maker by Mark Batterson is an incredible book on prayer.

                                                             ii.      ‘Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire’ by Jim Cymbala is an amazing book on Faith.

                                                            iii.       Been hurt? ‘Breakthrough prayer’ also by Jim Cymbala is an incredible healing agent.

                                                           iv.      Feeling insecure – ‘So Long Insecurity by Beth Moore is away to defeat those crippling behaviors of insecurity.

Don’t settle where you are. There is so much to learn out there. God is so big, it is impossible to grasp – but I want to hear what He is saying to me!

2.       Set aside a specific time to spend with God and pour out your heart to Him. Tell Him where you are, what you are feeling, where you fail, and where you hurt. Be open and honest with him. Just talk to Him. He’s waiting to hear from you. Pick a time where you are uninterrupted.

3.       Read His word. Bible Studies will get you into His word. But I love to read the Psalms as well.

a.       When you seek Him – He will start opening up scriptures that relate to your day, your circumstances, and your life.

b.      Write those scriptures down. I use a notecard, and record every scripture that jumps off the page – one of my favorite: Matthew 7:7 ‘Ask and it will be given you, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened unto you.”

c.       Keep a journal with you. I keep a journal and the notecards with me everywhere I go. I pray in the journal. It’s perfect to have at the Doctor’s office, dentist, long lines somewhere – or maybe a place that I get to and have some time on my hands. Stay connected to the Father.

4.       Memorize His word.

There are key scriptures that will counter act an attack. Research what those are – and memorize them.

Here are a few.

Fear:         

Psalm 56:3 ‘What time I am afraid I will trust in thee.’

            Psalm 34:4 ‘I prayed to the Lord and He answered me – he freed me from all my fears.

           

 Anxiety:

            Philippians 4:6 ‘Be anxious for nothing, but pray about everything.’

           

Crazy thought life:

2 Corinthians 10:5 ‘We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.’

          

 Temptation:

1 Corinthians 10:13 ‘No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.’

        

 Anger:

           Proverbs 15:1 ‘A soft answer turneth away wrath, but grievous words stir up anger.’

If there are more you are thinking of, google ‘scriptures about _______________________’

God gives us ways to overcome in His word.

5.       Stand on His word. If He has given you a specific word, stand on it, believe it! Why would He give it to us, if it wasn’t for us to believe in?

One of my favorite scriptures is “God’s faithful promises are our armor of protection.’ When a mind battle comes – of doubt, or worthlessness – you call out the words God has given you. Say – God’s word says I am chosen and adopted. God’s word says – that when I call to Him He will answer me and free me from my fears.

Give the battle to God. He’s our victor… How do I know?

Nehemiah 4:20 ‘Our God will fight for us.’

Exodus 14:14 ‘The Lord God will fight this battle, and you? Keep your mouth shut.’

2 Chronicles 20:15 ‘This is what the Lord says to you: ‘Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s…’

Go get your victory. Talk to victor.

The Armor

Ephesians 6:10-18

Do you ever wake up in a funk? You’re down, sorrowful, depressed – for no good reason, then little things pop into your head and you sink lower and feel like you are a nothing?

That is a run-on sentence, but I am making a point. Why do we live like this? We sink low, and then believe every thought that pops into our head. We see future our life not measuring up. We see the wrong skill set being used. We see a dark, gray, cloudy reality, that is not truth – and we remain in it.

I was feeling that way today. I started praying about it, asking about it, eating icing… and then I came upon a verse:

Romans 12:2 ‘Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind.’

I realized this is a pattern of the world, to sink low into a pit. To stay in an area where you don’t fit, and to be down and discouraged. None of that feeling has anything to do with the Lord. Today is a new day – filled with hope and expectancy.

My questions is – how did you start off the day? To be honest, my sleep pattern has been different lately, so I sleep longer, and don’t want to get up… therefore I wake up late, struggle to get ready on time, and whatever thoughts are floating around in my head stay there, and I give in to them. By the time work starts, I do my tasks, misread what people say and suddenly it’s 11:00 and I am in a huge funk.

Where did I take the wrong turn?

It’s 2-fold. We are in a battle. The longer we sit around depressed and reading Facebook, the less we do for the kingdom of God. The more we pay attention to tweets, Instagram and social media, the more we obsess over things that aren’t necessarily reality.

We have a savior waiting for us to come to Him. He is willing to intercede on our behalves – we just have to choose to go to Him and ask Him. I learned a valuable practice years ago, and I could kick myself for not keeping the habit…

  1.       Put on the full Armor of God. Ephesians 6:10-18 explicitly explains the battle we are in, and what we need to do to fight. I believe if we all got up, greeted the morning with God, and asked for His help, put on His armor – then we would be ahead of the game. Choosing Him as a shield instead of our human emotion… Maybe it could look something like this: wake up – say – Good morning Lord – I am coming to you to rest in the shadow of your wings. I am asking for protection from you. Your word tells us to put on your armor, so by faith I am putting on the…

a.       The belt of truth – (wouldn’t it be better to believe who we are in God instead of the lies we tell ourselves everyday, ie. Not good enough, won’t measure up, they are better at it…)

b.      Breastplate of righteousness or body armor – (someone described this as discernment, so I prayed to discern/understand the voice of God, the will of God, the way of God.)

c.       Shoes of peace – (know his peace, and know the gospel – that is why we are saved – Jesus – and we are safe and secure under his blood and protection. Also have it on your lips to tell others about His grace.)

d.      Shield of faith (hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil.)We have protection – put it on in faith and extinguish those lies and attacks coming at you. For we battle not against flesh and blood, but principalities and darkness of the air. Pray for those who attack, and against the unseen forces.

e.      Helmet of salvation (once again, we are covered head to toe by the blood of the Lamb – live under that protection with confidence!)

f.        Sword of the spirit (the Word of God.) Our weapon of defense is the word of God. Here’s how it works…

                                                               i.      Lie -‘not good enough’: Truth- Jeremiah 1:5 ‘Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart;’ 1 Corinthians 6:20 ‘For you were bought with a price.’ 

                                                             ii.      Lie: ‘God doesn’t want you / care about you’: Truth- Psalm 139:16 ’Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. John 3:16 ‘For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son that whosoever believeth on Him shall be saved.’

                                                            iii.      Lie – you are going to fail in the future: Truth – Jeremiah 29:13 ‘for I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper, not to harm’

                                                           iv.      Lie – God will never fulfill this promise he gave you: Truth – Joshua 21:45 ‘Not one of all the LORD's good promises to Israel failed; every one was fulfilled.’  Psalm 91:4b ‘His faithful promises are your armor of protection.’

2.       Believe Him - God has given you His word. It is time to act like you believe it. It is time to stand on it – and if you don’t know what it is, then it is time to get in His word.

The rest of the verse He gave me today?  ‘Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will.’

Moral of the story:

If we choose to meet our day with the Lord, hide in the shelter of His wings, and put on His armor, then we will no longer conform to the pattern of this world.  At the moment our minds are renewed, we think differently. We are confident, we are assured of who we belong to. We are ready to walk toward a calling, and we hear what He has to say. Then – when we are trudging through trying to live, we can actually test and approve what His will is for us.

Doesn’t that reassure you? You are loved. You are cherished. You are bought with a price. It’s time to live with the one who paid for you J

Fall is in the air.

Joshua 1:1-9

Fall is in the air.

Do you ever wake up, and feel the crispness and know… fall is coming? It’s time for the changing of the seasons.

Sometimes you want it and sometimes you don’t. This year, I wanted summer to carry on a little longer. We are in a season we have never been in – expecting a baby. This season has come through years, and years, and years of prayer. There has been some laughter at the requirements of infertility, but a lot of this journey has been heartache. There are certain roads that leave you feeling dry and uncertain. To have a want for so long, to receive so many no’s – time seems to drag on. Then poof – an answer comes, and here we are – it’s almost mid-August and I am entering my 3^rd trimester. Where the heck did time go?

As I leave the ‘honeymoon’ phase of pregnancy (2^nd trimester) I am realizing more and more that time is about to change. I know that some of you seasoned moms may be chuckling at the fact that I don’t know how much it will change… J

But I realize I have had a life that God has filled with adventure. Joe and I have lived as independent adults for soon to be 15 years of marriage. We have traveled, we lived 3 incredible years in NYC, and we have seen movements of God I don’t think we would have seen had this child graced our presence before now.

Thankfully, he has allowed my heart to enjoy a lot of those times. I know when we live in anticipation of a request not answered, it is so easy to get lost in the moment and think we are living a life less than perfect because we don’t have that answer. I am now realizing that life is about to end. I am a little worried about this adjustment… I was not one of the baby sitters club members… I may have read the books, but I spent summers at camps-not babysitting. So this is a whole new world… and I’m pretty sure Joe has never changed a diaper.

So here we go, a few months left before this change. I want to enjoy it. Even if I am starting to walk like a duck.

But I am about to enter a lifelong dream. This baby boy is coming, and how I’ve longed for him. Isn’t it just like us to want something so bad, then start being a little fearful when it comes? I like to think of myself as an adventurer – but there is always a tiny bit of reservation right before the plunge. It’s the moment where we eat our words as we tell others to go out and be brave.

God crowned this year with the book of Joshua. I love that story. It’s a story of second chances. Did you realize that? It’s also the story of waiting even though you think you’ve done everything you should…

The second chance is for the Israelites. Back in the book of Numbers (chapters 13 & 14), the Israelites had arrived at the Promised Land. They sent 12 spies in to scour the land and see what awaited them. This after all, was the land promised by God. Well, when the spies returned… 10 of them were scared and 2 were brave (one which happened to be Joshua). They brought back the bounty of what could be theirs, they saw a land flowing with milk and honey – but they let the thoughts of the giants stop them in their tracks. Only 2 believed they could overtake the giants because God was on their side. Needless to say, the 10 won out, they almost stoned Joshua and Caleb for wanting to go into the Promised Land. The people decided to keep wandering the dessert instead of taking their land. By the way, Joshua was Moses’s assistant.

40 years later, they come back to same spot. It begins in Joshua 1. The movement begins with the death of Moses. In verse 2 he says to Joshua – ‘“Moses my servant is dead. Therefore, the time has come for you to lead these people, the Israelites, across the Jordan River into the land I am giving them.’

Boom – 2^nd chance. It is now time to enter the Promised Land. Did they take it? You bet. Can anyone guess what God told Joshua over and over? Yes – Be strong and courageous. He says it 3 times between verse 6 & 9. God had this in His hands. He knew no harm would befall them. Joshua had to trust and go. Joshua was prepared. He had been in training at the side of Moses for 40 years. In fact, the Lord was not only taking them into the Promised Land, he was giving Joshua the Land of everywhere he set foot. God was granting Joshua success. This is the other part of the deal – not only was He giving him the promise, He was giving him success. God wants you to be successful! I heard this at a conference this year. We don’t always understand the waiting, but it molds us into people of success in the Lord.

The more I find out about this walk – the more I see the purpose of attaining Christlikeness. Humility is key. Walking humbly by your Lord and learning is the way. We see it in the life of Joseph in Genesis, we see it the years in the desert with the Israelites. We even see it in our Lord. Jesus was 30 before he entered His ministry – and the years before were built with learning and knowing the scripture, and growing his craft as a carpenter.

We want to rush in and conquer. We want to assert our gifts and talents. We want to prove ourselves, our learning ability, our creativity. We want to be successful. God will let us do that – but that success comes at our own abilities, and our talent – and it will fail.

When we go it with the Lord, He opens doors no man can shut[1]. He creates a way where there seems to be no way. Nothing is impossible with Him[2]. He creates a way in the wilderness, a stream in the wasteland[3]. Shouldn’t we realize that we need to let Him build our success[4]? Let Him make the way? It is hard to wait. Believe me – I know. It is hard to stay in a place where you feel ‘least’ equipped – but I wonder if our warrior Joshua had a hard time staying at Moses side until his time came? I think we see an example of how to be. Wait on the Lord[5]. He will show you. He will open doors. He will create circumstances of unbelievable opportunity.

But here’s the kicker – make the choice to go when He opens that door… Who wants to wait around in the desert another 40 years?

I learned a lesson. I had to face surgery to walk through my baby door. This was one of my biggest fears. I kept wondering why we didn’t find out about endometriosis until years later… and I know now. I probably would not have agreed to surgery. I didn’t have a lot of symptoms, and the only way to find out was through exploratory surgery.  This scared me to death – and I had to go through years of waiting to realize God had this.

Once I had the surgery – it was a literal breeze, with a week-long recovery. And 2 weeks after surgery, I got pregnant. I realized, I had let many years of fear kept me in a desert.

Where are you right now? What doors may be opening? What is trying to keep you from walking through that door?

The season is changing. Go and get your Promised Land!

---

[1] Revelation 3:8

[2] Luke 1:37

[3] Isaiah 43:19

[4] Psalm 127:1

[5] Psalm 27:14

Get off your rump

Do you ever find yourself in moments where you want to hear from God. You sit, you listen, you read what other people say about God… and nothing is sticking. I was praying that this morning, when He said, ‘Do what I called you to do.’

How many times do we let others take the lead in what God is saying to us? He has something to say to me, and He wants me finding that answer through doing what He called me to do. Write. Do you get what I’m saying? I tend to listen to others, or watch others do the very thing I was called to do – instead of me doing it. I know this sounds like I am belaboring the point, but maybe that is the point.

What are you called to do? God has so many things laid out for us. He has a clear walk that He wants us on, and sometimes we are too busy watching others do it, that we forget to do the very thing He put in our hearts.

Half of me is excited that He has a plan and calling for me, the other half has regrets for sitting on my lower half and letting others lead.

I feel like this goes back to insecurities… will I have the right words? Will I say the right thing? Does God really want me to do this?

The answer is Yes. If God has called and purposed it, then you are to do it. What’s lacking? Courage and confidence.

Here are some scriptures that God has given me about His callings and His promises:

2 Corinthians 1:20: ‘For all of God's promises have been fulfilled in Christ with a resounding "Yes!" And through Christ, our "Amen" (which means "Yes") ascends to God for his glory.’(NLT)

Romans 11:29: ‘For the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable.’
2 Timothy 1:17 is powerful. ‘For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline.’

Here is the catch with scripture. Do we believe it? Is it truth? Does it hold? Again, the answer is yes.

Romans 11:29 says ‘All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness,’

I love the words ‘God-breathed.’ I looked up the Greek word for God-breathed and it is theopneustos. It means God-breathed, inspired by God, due to the inspiration of God. In other words. Scripture is from God. He ‘breathed’ it out. How powerful is it?

Let’s look at Genesis for this… Genesis 1:2 says ‘Then God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light.” To put this into perspective, He spoke light into being. He spoke the earth into being. He spoke day and night into being. In the count of creation, I counted nine times the words “Then God said” being spoken. This didn’t included blessing and other words uttered out of His mouth during creation.

Elohim, one of the names of God is translated creator God. El is used in association with God as ‘mighty God.’ You see this in many of his names, like El Shaddai –which means all sufficient God.

If He can speak life into being, is He not mighty? Or sufficient? Would the words that were ‘God-breathed’ not be viewed in the same power?

The point? We have a great gift given to us in the Bible. It is ‘God-breathed.’ It is His word given to us to understand this life as Christians. Why do we not use it? Why do we not trust it? For goodness sake – why do we not read it? His word is impenetrable. If He has given you a word, then hold on to it as truth!

I have been studying the life of Joseph recently and God brought a little nugget to me today. (The story of Joseph is Genesis 37-50 and I encourage you to read it.) In brief, it’s the story of a man that God gave a dream (actually a few dreams) to – then He fulfilled it. The fulfilling came 15-17 years later. We see many encounters that Joseph went through to prepare him for the fulling of this dream. It hit me that Joseph could not walk into this fulfilling until he was ready. The Lord was preparing Joseph to be the great leader he was. What struck me as interesting was a Psalm that I came across today.

Psalm 105:19: ‘until what he had said came to pass, the word of the LORD tested him.’ (Read the full context in Psalm 105: 16-22.)

This entire story fits into plan of the Exodus of the children of Israel from Egypt to the Promised Land – but we are looking at the Joseph section of the story for a moment.

God had a plan (and still does) for His people. Everyone person that played a role was key... Abraham, Isaac, Jacob… Joseph. This led to the role of Moses, Aaron, Caleb and Joshua. What if any of these guys just stopped believing God? Was it hard? Yes. Were there moments of giving up and frustration? Yes! What did all of these guys do? Held on.

Is the promise of God worth holding onto? Is His word worth it?

Y.E.S.

God tested Joseph with the very word He had given him. There was day however, that the dream came true. The promise was fulfilled. The vision complete.

We have a life to live full of faith. We have promises to take hold of. We have a word for us. The question is…. Are you going to live life with God or are you going to sit and watch reruns?

What was He saying to me today? I have given you a word. I will complete it. Let’s get off your rump and do what I called you to do.

Who’s up for a little adventure?

Jesus

Are you tiring at all of the voices screaming out right now to be heard? Are you unsure of sides to take and opinions you want to state?

I spent some time on facebook today and it wore me out. I got on there to see some cute posts, and I saw about 3 of 50. Most of the rest were hate storms. People jockeying for positions and violent words spoken on every side.

What started as a good mood landed me in depression – and it hit me. This was the intent.

My husband recently attended an incredible worship school, and came back with a life change. He brought a song back from Housefires, and I want to recount the words.

oh and I've seen many searching for answers far and wide
But I know we're all searching for answers only you can provide
'cause you know just what we need before we say a word

You’re a good good father, that’s who you, who you are, who you are,

And I’m loved by you, that’s who I am, who I am, who I am…

Perhaps if I had taken that time to get in the word of God instead of barreling through every post, I might have received sense of renewal, of peace, of confidence in our Creator – Elohim. Perhaps if I had taken time to pray over each situation instead of reading others opinions, I could rest in the fact that God sees (El Roi). I might remember that he is our Healer – (Jehovah Rapha) That He will provide – Jehovah Jireh. Do you know where that name is mentioned? In Genesis with the story of God providing the perfect sacrifice for Abraham… right before he was going to sacrifice his son Isaac. (Genesis 22:14)

God has provided a sacrifice. Perfect. Holy. Blameless. If a creator can form the earth with his mere words (Elohim,) if he sees and knows (El Roi,) then we can trust Him. I can’t explain why we see things going on… but I know that there is a concentrated effort on pushing Him and His word out of America. I see a country turning away from one of the core reasons America was founded – in God we trust. If we have stop trusting God, and start trusting ourselves… then I think we might be seeing the effect of that decision.

My prayer is that we get out of the hate storm and hit our knees. Our job – as Christ-followers – is to follow Him. To know Him. To do his good and pleasing will. The way to do that is to dive into the word he has given us. The Bible. It’s a love story about that perfect sacrifice sent for us. Is anyone thinking of that during this time?

Exodus 14:14 says: ‘The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.’

Take the fight to Him and let Him do His work. Your job is to know Who you are talking to. Find out His will, His dream for you, His way. You do this by studying His word – and talking to Him. That may sound cliché – but that’s what Jesus modeled for us to do. He knew the scripture. He quoted his Father’s words. He took time away to pray. And he served. He stood on the word – and he died for us anyway. He died for every person I saw being talked about today. Love is hard. The word ‘Love’ is misunderstood and thrown around to achieve self-serving purposes.  Yes – Jesus loves all and died for all – we need to get to know Him. I may be pitied, and seen as a fundamental who is stuck in my beliefs I was taught from early on. I make mistakes. I say and think things I shouldn’t. I am not perfect. I did, however, choose to get to know Him. And in this journey, I have learned from going to him directly – not from others words. I have been challenged in tradition verses truth. I have clung to the One who created me. I speak now on what I have been learning as I attempt this walk with Him.

I am believing Him. I am working on Trusting Him. I am attempting to go to Him to find out what He wants to say to me.

Here are a few things I believe are truth from His word.

‘In the beginning was the Word. And the word was with God and the word was God.’ (John 1:1)

‘I am the way the truth and the Life. No one comes to the Father except through me.’ (John 14:6)

These are referring to Jesus. God’s one and only son.

Call on Him. That name is greater than any there is.

‘at the name of Jesus EVERY KNEE WILL BOW, of those who are in heaven and on earth and under the earth, 11and that every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. Philippians 2:10-11

Jesus.

Let’s use that name as a prayer- instead of a curse. Let’s go to knees and talk to Him.

‘If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.’ (2 Chronicles 7:14)

I believe in the power of prayer. I believe in hitting our knees. I believe that He answers when we call as His word says: ‘I prayed to the LORD, and he answered me. He freed me from all my fears.’ (Psalm 34:4)

I believe He will protect when we ask Him.

‘Ask and it shall be given you.

Seek and ye shall find.

Knock and the door will be opened unto you.’ (Matthew 7:7)

Why?

‘Because everyone who asks receives, everyone who seeks finds and everyone who knocks, the door will be opened unto you.’ (Matthew 7:8)

These words aren’t a free for all to get what you want… The point of this is a relationship with Him. He created us with freedom of choice. It’s a choice to Believe him, and walk with Him. He’s not forcing us.

God forgive us. Lord Take pity on us. Father guide us and show us your way.

A Time to Learn

“I have come that you may have life and have it more abundantly.” John 10:10. 

What a wild few months. Since the last blog was written… a lot has happened. I did write another blog, and it was lost in a computer crash – that took everything that was on my computer… I had 3 months of continual nauseousness… Which is something I have prayed for for years and here we are!

So how are you? What has God been doing with you? Take a moment to write down the work of God in your life.

I feel like I am back in teaching mode – but I also have to be in learning mode. God has answered one of my biggest lifelong prayers – a baby. You may never know why he chooses the time he does – but he has chosen this time. I am excited – and challenged. I now have new things to worry about. Do we ever stop worrying?

But God is using this time to work. I only have a few months before this baby comes – and I have a lot going on in my head – can anybody get what I’m saying? There are pressures mounting, bills mounting, baby items mounting – a lot mounting – therefore my stress is mounting. And in the middle of this, God comes to work.

What is holding me back from abundant life? I have prayed about that. Circumstances leave us wondering where God is, and He is wondering – why are you living like you are living? In defeat – under pressure, and depressed. I have one of the greatest blessings I could imagine coming to me – and I can’t enjoy it because I let life and people beat me down. I have people in my life that want to control me. I have people that want to hurl insults (in a joking way…) every time they see me. I have people ignoring me – and I let it get in my head.

The word of God says “I have come that you may have life and have it more abundantly.” John 10:10. When I went to look up this scripture reference – I saw the first part of this verse.

‘The thief comes to steal, kill and destroy.’  There are two parts of this verse – and hence – there is a battle. I want to live life abundantly – but I am choosing to listen to the first part of the verse. I have let people rob my dignity – due to their insecurity. Instead of ignoring them, and praying for them – I let it get in my head – make me miserable, and then ask God – where are you? Do any of you do this? I am choosing to listen to and believe the thief – not the creator. And it has cost me much. I have lost joy, satisfaction, identity, courage, confidence. 

I listened to an amazing simulcast that talked about being a blessed woman of God – because of belief. I started thinking - Who do I believe? Who do you believe? It hit me that it is easier for us as women to cave to insecurities, to words, to fears. It’s time to realign our Faith. My prayer is that you would also hear what the Father is saying to you – and to live for Him. Believe Him. You are a woman of God. He chose you. He created you. Why should you let anyone steal that from you? Woe to that theif when God arrives. And – while I’m on this – let us not be women that would try to steal from others. You are here for a purpose that God has ordained – and you are to carry out your purpose. Let others carry out their purpose. We have no need to be jealous. You are unique. Special – a child of God. Live like it – Believe like it. You are an heir to the throne when you take that step to align yourself with Christ. The one true son of God. Your belief in Jesus as God’s son – opens the door to your abundant life in Him. Your life God created for you- to live out a destiny full of adventure, joy and satisfaction. It’s time to regain our trust in Him.

Time to Succeed.

Book of Joshua

It’s been a while since I've written. Sometimes life comes at you, and you only have two hands to hold on.  I've had moments where I feel like a complete failure when I don’t get to do all my routines – but God puts before us, each day, what He wants for us, and that’s what we do.

Do you find yourselves like that? Moments that interrupt? Mine happened to be a procedure. One more thing in this journey of infertility. It was one of those things I did not want to do. Needless to say – God has brought me to the other side – and it was not as bad as I thought.

The last 4 weeks has definitely been a faith journey. I take a step, God takes a step. I wait… still waiting. It’s like a chess match. However, I lack the vast knowledge and skill set of the master. So this is training ground. Bigger steps of faith.

Where are you in your faith? I have this verse that keeps echoing in my head – Romans 4:20 (NLT) ‘Abraham never wavered in believing God's promise. In fact, his faith grew stronger, and in this he brought glory to God.’

Sometimes you have to walk several steps in a journey to understand this. Our infertility road has been long. Our first time with the infertility doctor led to some basic steps such as pills, timing, and small procedures. I felt like my faith was challenged, and I went a little crazy. Enter mom’s stroke, and infertility treatments, along with life was put on hold. 4 years later with failed plans to adopt, we are back at the infertility doctor. She’s picking up where she left off. We had the same procedures (artificial insemination) – again none resulted in pregnancy. She then tells me I need surgery.

Now everyone has things in their lives that they don’t want to do… comfort zones they don’t want to leave. These could entail moving, changing jobs, singing solos, public speaking, etc. One of mine happens to be needles, doctors – and surgery. When the words ‘surgery’ came out of her mouth I had the grace to listen and set up the surgery date. Once the conversation was over, I went inside, closed the door and fell apart. I asked ‘why?’ ‘Why can’t I just be normal, and have babies like normal people, why is this so hard?’ Once I came out of my funk, I realized – to get closer to having children, I have to have surgery to make sure there is nothing going on we don’t know about. So I started praying for strength, for peace, that it would be ok, that I wouldn't come awake during the surgery (I know, crazy. But that’s just what it is for me sometimes…)

Enter the Lord. To give you a set up for this, I have faced some big battles in my life. I have also lived in NYC, and that can help a girl become a little more independent, and ready to take risks. But this was a risk I didn't want to take. So God sent me to an incredible conference – in Austin, TX - a week before the surgery. I want to side step for a minute. If opportunities for you to go to a conference come about –then take them, and go with great expectation. God show up in many ways, and you should look for every way He shows up. But when you expect him to show up – then get ready for a great awakening.

The moment I entered the conference center, I was transformed into a farmhouse chic environment. There were plush white chairs on the stage, set against a wooden slat background and beautiful farm tables covered with flowers. I was in heaven. Vintage tables lined the outside walls with water for thirsty travelers. And… there was shopping, handbags, shoes, books, journals, jewelry. Paradise.

My friend, Susan and I grabbed our seats that held a special bag filled with gifts from the conference. The worship began, and we were brought to the throne of the Heavenly Father. Don’t we all need an oasis like that? Then the speaker begins. The theme was centered on Joshua, the Israelites and the fact they were finally entering Canaan. What I had forgotten about was their failed attempt to enter Canaan 40 years before (Numbers 13 &14.) Fear had kept them out of the Promised Land. Fear of giants, fear of the past, and the fear of the unknown stopped them just shy of the Jordan River.

What we were looking at was the difference in 40 years. The difference is perspective. Fear had held the Israelites in place, but now Joshua has a newer stronger faith. It was the same giants, same land, same unknown, but the Israelites' trust in God had changed. And 3 times in Chapter one of the book of Joshua, God tells Joshua to be 'strong and courageous' – for I (the Lord) am with you wherever you go.

Hmmm. Was God speaking to me???? 4 years ago, if the prospect of surgery had come up, I would have probably said no. This was not something I needed to have to live, it was exploratory – to see if something was blocking me. So now, 4 years later – I knew God was saying ‘Be strong and courageous, for I am with you wherever you go.’ I did not know what the outcome would be, but I had a Holy confidence to walk into the very thing I did not want to do.

And do you know what He did? He gave me some answers. Endometriosis. The doctor took it out and I healed in a few days.

I am still on this journey. I don’t know how it will end. I’m a little scared of asking. But I know that I overcame a huge hurdle of surgery – the Lord truly made a mountain a level plain before me. (Zechariah 4:7) And for the first time in a while it occurred to me that God wants me to succeed (thanks to wise words of a speaker at that conference.)

So my question is – what risk is before you? What unknown do you need to walk into? Maybe it’s time for a fresh encounter with the God of faith, and a fresh look at Joshua, or David, or Joseph, or Abraham. Maybe it’s time to realize God is for you.

Maybe it’s time to succeed.

Be Real.

I think, sometimes as ‘Christians’ we feel we have to act, dress, and talk like a 'Christian.' I have seen it so many times in the churches I’ve been in. We carry our Bible with a cute Bible cover, our journal and pen on Sunday morning . We wear longer skirts and appropriate church clothes. We speak with religious vocabulary using those words we think make us sound Christian. We tell everyone we are fine and keep a smile on our face.

Well – I’m not keeping myself out of that category. I think we feel that if we are going through something hard, we have to keep up the face to make sure we are showing that God is capable. I need you to hear me on this. God is capable of handling everything in our lives. But do we have to keep a happy face on when the world is crashing in? Why do we feel that way? Is it truth? No. Sometimes, we are not 'ok.' Sometimes, we can’t believe we are having to walk through a hard circumstance.

For most of you who know me, you know my husband and I have been walking the road of infertility for years. I mean years – I mean this is over a 10 year prayer (we’ve been married 15 years this year.) This past week, I encountered a particularly fearful part of this journey. There are some roads I have never wanted to walk – and to continue on this journey – I have to walk one of these. Needless to say, I found out right before church. I had to suck it up, hide my feelings and go in the door acting like everything is ok. The problem was… I could not stop crying. Every song about faith hit a new nerve, and I was uncontrolled in my emotion. How do I believe He can answer this prayer – when He has chosen not to for years? How can I sing praises modeling my adoration, when I’m not sure He will ever answer yes? How do I live life with joy when facing a heartache that comes back every month? (Not to mention the shots, the pills, the blood tests I have to go through monthly…)

I know I’m not alone. I know there are many people who face many issues. I have had several friends with breast cancer survive and walk triumphantly. I have family members with epilepsy that can never miss a pill. I have a mother who is now permanently paralyzed on one side – living in a nursing home the rest of her days. Things happen. How do you live through it?

A dear friend of mine met with me this week. She had seen my attempt to hide all emotion. She was trying to think of words to comfort me, but said she knew nothing could be said to make me feel better. As she was thinking of how to help me, the Lord brought Naomi to her mind. For the entire story – read the book of Ruth from the Bible – it’s amazing. But for now, we’ll stick to the point. My friend said she read through Ruth 1 and thought of all the roads Naomi had walked.

Due to a famine, Naomi, her husband and two sons left their hometown and moved to a foreign town (which can be exciting). While she was working through this life adjustment – her husband died (now she faces devastation). She raised the boys (as a single mom). They grew up and both got married (once again joy has returned.) Only to have both of the sons die. (Once again devastation.) She realized she needed to move back home (facing humiliation of coming back a widow, and childless.) She tried to send the daughter-in-laws back to their hometown (another feeling of loss.) One went back to her home town. The other, Ruth, stayed with Naomi.

I don’t know about you – but that’s a lot of emotional roller coasting. Up and down on the sea of life. This woman, who had been through so much decided to name herself Mara– (meaning bitter.) Ruth 1:20-21 says “Don’t call me Naomi,” she responded. “Instead, call me Mara, for the Almighty has made life very bitter for me. ²¹ I went away full, but the Lord has brought me home empty. Why call me Naomi when the Lord has caused me to suffer and the Almighty has sent such tragedy upon me?”

My question is – do you ever feel like Naomi? Do you want to say - 'just call me bitter?' Hear my heart on this. There are moments in life that take your very breath away – and I’m not talking about looking out over the ocean… There are moments that numb you, grieve you, humiliate you, betray you – and you are left with the momentary question – where are you God and why did you let this happen?

Well – you aren't alone. Upon thinking about my conversation with my friend – she wanted me to communicate that people are real – and we have real feelings. Let’s get over ourselves as trying to act like the perfect Christian, and realize we are real people. We have emotions – we hurt. She and I were talking about how to pray through the problems without being disrespectful… and I thought of David. Have you read the psalms? That man had more emotional ups and down than anyone. He cried out to God and asked him why he abandoned him. He was praising one minute, and crying out in fear – then realizing God would protect, and would take care. He cried out in anguish – in guilt – in very emotion we could ever think to have – and yet he was referenced to, by God, as a man after God’s own heart. Acts 13:22 ‘After removing Saul, he made David their king. God testified concerning him: 'I have found David son of Jesse, a man after my own heart; he will do everything I want him to do.'

David did some of the worst possible things a person can do - and yet was considered a man after God’s own heart. Why? I believe it’s because he chose to go back to God every time. God I don’t understand, but I’m coming back to you. God I don’t really trust that you have this – but I’m coming back to you. God, I don’t know why you let this happen – but I’m coming back to you.

Yes – you hurt – and it’s ok to hurt. Yes it sucks. It’s ok to admit it. But whatever you do – go back to Him. He will work it out. He will do great and marvelous things through you. Hold on to Him, and go back to Him.

One more person that cried out to God comes to my mind. Jesus. At the cross, after being beaten and nailed to it – struggling to breath – Jesus cried out scripture to His father. The scripture he had grown up learning – just like us. He used the words of David… My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?’ (Psalm 22:1; Matthew 27:46.)

If you think we have a savior that doesn't understand. You are wrong. Jesus walked through life scorned, rejected, betrayed by his closest companions. Then, He suffered and died a horrible death.

What is the good news? Death could not hold Him. He arose so we can have reconciliation with God. He laid the bridge of communication with his death and resurrection. We can talk to God. It’s ok to not understand. Its ok to ‘not act like’ everything is ok. It’s ok to walk into church, and tell your friends that you need prayer – or help.

We have all been there. Instead of pretending the way to be a strong Christian is to suck it up and put on a face, I dare you to be real. How are we going to let people know that we are walking a real road? How do we let them know that life hurts – and that you do get through, but it’s not all going to be roses and sunshine

I challenge you - be real – because there is a sister out there that is facing insurmountable difficulties, and she needs to know how real Christians hold on to God. Sometimes, it may seem like you are holding onto a bull by horns, and sometimes it may be on the floor of your bedroom crying out. But hold on to Him.

By the way – at the end of Naomi’s story – Ruth got married, had a son and Naomi got to help raise that precious boy. Obed. And if you decide to keep researching that scripture – you’ll see that that little boy grew up to be father to Jesse, who just happened to be father to David – which just happened to be the line that God decided to bring Jesus from.

Talk about a great ending to a story of a lady who had the guts to say… call me Mara – because sometimes life is tough.

Get in the Game…

Ephesians 6:10-18

Ok, it’s a New Year. That means new goals, new resolutions, football, weight loss, etc. It’s fun to think of a fresh start. Sometimes, we get so excited about goals that we miss what’s going on.

Our game. Looking at football – and my limited knowledge of the game – we see a strategy that draws us to a goal – winning. There are plays, defensive and offensive, that drive us to score. On the field, touchdowns are scored – but not without fumbles, interference, interceptions and tackles. It’s not easy to run toward that end zone when a 6’1” 250 lb. lineman is running at you full force; doing everything in his power to knock you down, and maybe even out if he can. It certainly can be intimidating. You need confidence to keep running. But where does that confidence come from? Your skill? Partly. But to be the best, you have to hit that field daily and practice. You must watch films to see how your opponents play. You routinely practice with your teammates to learn to work together, build each other up, and lean on each other when the tough play comes. These practices breed loyalty, endurance, determination, and excitement. They also are grueling, long, slow, and often remove sense of self. Sometimes you sit on the field looking at everything going on around you, every play, every tackle, every practice run up and down the field and you think… I can’t do this anymore.

But hold on, there is hope.

At the side of that field stands your coach. He has been where you. He has seen many victories and failures – more than you can count. He has run that field – to the end. He knows what to do to achieve victory. In fact, there are many specialized coaches on that field. Defensive coaches, offensive coaches, and even a kicking coach. These are the coaches that the head coach has added to his coaching team to direct you to the best way to achieve success.

Are you noticing a hidden meaning??? Consider this a modern day parable; a short story to illustrate a godly point.

You are in a game. We are called to run toward the prize.  Philippians 3:14 says “I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me…” God Himself called us to win this prize.

So how do we get to victory?

We gotta learn how to play the game. We can try to live this life on our skill set of talents and gifts. We can walk confidently onto that field with what we know and the talents we’ve been handed, but when that enemy that’s been playing many years runs at you – you can bet your talents will only get you so far. And, don’t stop to think for a minute that he hasn’t been watching films of you your whole life. He’s looking for weaknesses, some points of entry. He jumps on ways to divide and conquer. He also is an enemy that practices his craft daily. He’s good at what he does.

The good news? We have a victorious coach and the story has already been written. We will win. Our job? Do our best to get in the game. We can sit on the sides and watch this game… but who wants to keep the bench warm? The game is designed to be played.

Get to know the coach. He did walk this earth. Jesus went through many trials – including death. And he overcame EVERY ONE – including death.

He is risen. He is the victory. We have victory in Him. Watch the coach. Listen to his guidance. Run the plays he gives you – but not on your own. You have a handbook. It’s a 101 for dummies – 'Life 101 for dummies' - The Bible. Don’t just read it. Memorize it. How did David defeat the giant? With 5 stones? Yes, but who did he live for and believe in? Let’s look at David’s words (Genesis 17:45) “You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty…”

How did Jesus stand against temptation? With the Word of God. Matthew 4:4 “Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God. “Pray for a love of the Word of God. Pray to crave the word.

Look at strategies of opposing team. Who are your opponents? Ephesians 6:12 “For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.”

Practice on the field. Wear your pads and helmet. Ephesians 6:13-17 “¹³ Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm.¹⁴ Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness. ¹⁵ For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared. ¹⁶ In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil. ¹⁷ Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

Run those defensive and offensive plays – everyday. The movements should be memorized. You should know to duck when someone is swinging at your head. You should dart to the left when he is coming at you from the right. How? The Word of God.

Start off this season with a long talk with the coach.  Ask Him what to look for and what games He wants you to play this year. Let Him guide and direct you. In fact, He should be your best friend. Call Him when a friend hurts you. Call Him when an unexpected interview for job appears. Thank Him for everything He has given you. When you go to him for daily strategy, you will be well prepared for every game.

Don’t forget to listen to the special team coaches – (i.e. Pastor, Sunday School Teachers, Bible Study leaders, women’s conferences, counselors…) -the head coach has set them aside to help you work on specialized training. Maybe they help with your skill set. Some encourage. Some correct. They are there to make you the best player you can be.

Let’s have a victorious season – let’s be in the super bowl. Let’s walk away with a super bowl ring.

2015 is a year for champions.