Ask.

Matthew 7:7 -Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you

 Decisions:

What hospital? What nursing home? Do we sale her home? Do we go on Medicaid? What about her dog? Her money?

So many decisions.  My brain hurts… I have been running around trying to decide, to call and cancel, to go where I need to be, stay where I need to be. To be.

I am so tired of decisions. I don’t want to make another choice.

So when I finally hit bottom (again…) I realize… God has it. He makes the decisions for us if we let Him.  He has a plan laid out if we relax and trust.  For me, it’s trying to figure out when to relax. It’s so hard to leave mom at the hospital – knowing she’s sick, but there is only so much ‘I’ can do.  The Lord has to bring me -once again- to the end of myself to let Him work.

I don’t know how this is going to turn out. I don’t know where to go next, or what to do.  I just want Him to take over and do this. I can’t anymore.  Sometimes – we hear about God and how He carries us.  We want that, but do we truly want that?  We can’t be carried by Him, until we are at the end of ourselves or our situation.  Sometimes I wish I wasn’t so ‘hard headed’ as to need these situations to bring me to the end of myself.

My encouragement to you:   God will answer, He will carry, He will lead… We just have to let Him.  Take it from me.  Let Him lead you now, before you absolutely have nowhere to turn.  Or, would you experience God – as He is – if we weren’t in the ship, in the storm, seeing Him walk on the water?  (Matthew 14:22-33) Would we ask Him to come to us if we weren’t at the end of ourselves? Oh, that we would.

Ask and it shall be given you, seek and you will find, knock, and the door will be opened unto you.  This is truth. Are you willing to believe? To ask Him and dare to watch Him work? He will.  Let go.  Let Him.

The never ending story…

Ex. 3:7-8 ‘And the Lord said, I have surely seen the affliction of my people who are in Egypt, and have heard their cry because of their taskmasters and oppressors; for I know their sorrows and sufferings and trials. And I have come down to deliver them out of the hand and the power of the Egyptians, and to bring the up out of that land to a land good and large, a land flowing with milk and honey (a land of plenty)

I have never quite been on such an emotional rollercoaster as this year. One minute we are eating a meal, the next second, we get a call that we are headed to the hospital with mom again. Then we are in ICU and out of ICU, then we are in a nursing home for 1.5 days, and back to hospital due to high fever and chills. I have never treasured the simple moments with friends and family like I have now. I have never had to accept food from friends, or help cleaning…. This is hard.

I keep hearing songs about storms or hurricanes. I read devotions about building faith during trials. I hear people counseling me about going through these times to build to lean to learn to do this and that. And dang it… I’m over it all. I’m over walking through a colorless hallway with beeping noises and people screaming out. Or being ignored at a desk trying to find out which room my mother is in since no one told me she was out of ICU. I’m tired of the smell of this place. I’m tired of IVs and people gathering blood -waking us up at 3 am trying to find a vein. Now I love my vampire movies, but today when they had to give her blood intravenously… I’m reaching my last straw. However, I do find a little joy in my mother calling the blood gatherers vampires…

I talked to my husband and told him I was tired of this and I was going to pray differently. I did not want sit down and lean into the storm and wait for the waves to pound – they are pounding anyway. So- I cried out to Jesus. I have nowhere to turn, no clue what to do, and I don’t like this storm. I need help.

Do you know what happened?

He brought peace. Mom is where she needs to be. I am where I need to be. I don’t understand this road, but I want Jesus at my side helping me. Every problem we’ve encountered, he’s provided a solution and a direction – we just have to wait for Him to provide. Jehovah Jireh – my provider.

If there is anything I can encourage you to do – it’s get to know Him. We hear about who He is but do we know Him?