I don't want to do it anymore. I don't want to get online and read other people's stories and wish they were my own. I don't want to subscribe to someone else's newsletter or blog to see how they do so much. I am not that girl - the one balancing 400 things with a goal to finish the next project. I wish I were. I wish I could balance a lot, like starting a business, designing something, becoming a top executive, a speaker, a blogger, or an author.
But I can't.
Not right now.
RIght now, I am a mommy; and honestly, I feel like I'm not doing so great at that...
I'm tired, I'm old. I have great respect for and don't know how people do it with more than one child.
During the last few years (almost 3 to be exact) I have had to realize just exactly how much I am NOT a 'Betty Crocker' cook or a 'Better Homes & Gardens' clean house girl. I'm doing good if I can do laundry once a week. (and that's if I remember to even get the wet clothes out of the washer and put them in the dryer...)
I'm not exercising or walking anymore because it is too cold outside.
My child is having a hard time adjusting to the new change of location, and I feel like I have failed at helping him with it.
I have misplaced All of my winter coats (had to buy a new one because it's so cold...)
I have cried several times and just want to lay in bed.
So today, while laying in bed, with Joseph coloring at my side (and on the sheets I might add...) I was reading Draw the Circle by Mark Batterson. I was on day 30 (which I have been on for 2 weeks,) and I read the words 'Abide in me.' (John 15:7)
To put it mildly, this has been a difficult season - selling our house, the hurricane, a new city, etc. I've become 'down trodden' for lack of a a better word. So reading that today was like a breath of fresh air. I realized once again that I need to stay in the word and pray. Doing both are the ticket to refreshment during a dry season; (or really any season.)
During my reading, I suddenly remembered the new book I just got,'Girl, Wash Your Face" by Rachel Hollis. So I grabbed it and began reading. This book is truly amazing, and is just the kick in the pants I need to 'Get up and Go!'
God did not give us the spirit of timidity, (or fear,) but of power, love and of a sound mind.(2 Tim 1:7.) God didn't put us here to sit idly by in our self pity and timidity. His word says he put a spirit of power in us.
This led me to think, 'Why in the world am I sitting around sulking?' I have the power of God within me to do the very thing he has called me to do. And upon reading the verse that precedes this one in 2 Timothy (1:6,) Paul says to fan into flame the gift of God which is in you. So the verse about timidity is in actuality saying to not be timid with the gifts God has given you, but to fan them into flame. To go for them. How? In His power.
If we truly get to the bottom of this thing, we realize that this is not about us. God placed us here with a purpose he designed for us to do - before we were ever born (Psalm 139:16.)
If we sit and focus on the surrounding circumstances, it is easy to get caught up in the what ifs, the whys, the why nots... BUT, if we get back to Jesus, back in the word, back into the purpose he has for us, then we can walk forward in assuredness and confidence of the gifts he has given us, and in the power of his might - not sit in timidity.
Did God bring us back to Tennessee? Yes he did. Does he have a purpose? Yes he does. And I praise him that He not only uses His word, but brings us tools that others have written to help us get up off our catookas and fulfill our purpose.
To sum this up - stay in the word. Pray. He's there and listening and ready to talk to you. He's ready to guide you in the path that is best for your life. (Psalm 25:4)
And... Find tools to help you walk in your faith.
I am recommending 2 tools today...
1. 'Girl, Wash Your Face' by Rachel Hollis.
2. 'Draw the Circle' by Mark Batterson (Read The Circle Maker by him too - it's an awesome resource for prayer.)
None of us have it all together. God has given us each other a support system on the earth. It's time we come together, be there for each other, love, support, check on, encourage and listen to each other.
Basically, it's time to get off our tail and do what God has called us to do!
Amen.
