Book of Joshua
It’s been a while since I've written. Sometimes life comes
at you, and you only have two hands to hold on. I've had moments where I feel like a complete failure when I don’t get
to do all my routines – but God puts before us, each day, what He wants for us,
and that’s what we do.
Do you find yourselves like that? Moments that interrupt?
Mine happened to be a procedure. One more thing in this journey of infertility.
It was one of those things I did not want to do. Needless to say – God has
brought me to the other side – and it was not as bad as I thought.
The last 4 weeks has definitely been a faith journey. I take
a step, God takes a step. I wait… still waiting. It’s like a chess match.
However, I lack the vast knowledge and skill set of the master. So this is
training ground. Bigger steps of faith.
Where are you in your faith? I have this verse that keeps
echoing in my head – Romans 4:20 (NLT) ‘Abraham never wavered in believing
God's promise. In fact, his faith grew stronger, and in this he brought glory
to God.’
Sometimes you have to walk several steps in a journey to
understand this. Our infertility road has been long. Our first time with the
infertility doctor led to some basic steps such as pills, timing, and small
procedures. I felt like my faith was challenged, and I went a little crazy. Enter
mom’s stroke, and infertility treatments, along with life was put on hold. 4 years later
with failed plans to adopt, we are back at the infertility doctor. She’s
picking up where she left off. We had the same procedures
(artificial insemination) – again none resulted in pregnancy. She then tells me I
need surgery.
Now everyone has things in their lives that they don’t want
to do… comfort zones they don’t want to leave. These could entail moving,
changing jobs, singing solos, public speaking, etc. One of mine happens to be
needles, doctors – and surgery. When the words ‘surgery’ came out of her mouth
I had the grace to listen and set up the surgery date. Once the conversation
was over, I went inside, closed the door and fell apart. I asked ‘why?’ ‘Why
can’t I just be normal, and have babies like normal people, why is this so
hard?’ Once I came out of my funk, I realized – to get closer to having
children, I have to have surgery to make sure there is nothing going on we
don’t know about. So I started praying for strength, for peace, that it would
be ok, that I wouldn't come awake during the surgery (I know, crazy. But that’s
just what it is for me sometimes…)
Enter the Lord. To give you a set up for this, I have faced
some big battles in my life. I have also lived in NYC, and that can help a girl
become a little more independent, and ready to take risks. But this was a risk
I didn't want to take. So God sent me to an incredible conference – in Austin, TX - a week before the surgery. I want to side step for a minute. If opportunities
for you to go to a conference come about –then take them, and go with great
expectation. God show up in many ways, and you should look for every way He
shows up. But when you expect him to show up – then get ready for a great
awakening.
The moment I entered the conference center, I was
transformed into a farmhouse chic environment. There were plush white chairs on
the stage, set against a wooden slat background and beautiful farm tables
covered with flowers. I was in heaven. Vintage tables lined the outside walls
with water for thirsty travelers. And… there was shopping, handbags, shoes,
books, journals, jewelry. Paradise.
My friend, Susan and I grabbed our seats that held a special
bag filled with gifts from the conference. The worship began, and we were
brought to the throne of the Heavenly Father. Don’t we all need an oasis like that?
Then the speaker begins. The theme was centered on Joshua, the Israelites and
the fact they were finally entering Canaan. What I had forgotten about was
their failed attempt to enter Canaan 40 years before (Numbers 13 &14.) Fear
had kept them out of the Promised Land. Fear of giants, fear of the past, and
the fear of the unknown stopped them just shy of the Jordan River.
What we were looking at was the difference in 40 years. The
difference is perspective. Fear had held the Israelites in place, but now
Joshua has a newer stronger faith. It was the same giants, same land, same
unknown, but the Israelites' trust in God had changed. And 3 times in Chapter
one of the book of Joshua, God tells Joshua to be 'strong and courageous' – for I
(the Lord) am with you wherever you go.
Hmmm. Was God speaking to me???? 4 years ago, if the
prospect of surgery had come up, I would have probably said no. This was not something
I needed to have to live, it was exploratory – to see if something was blocking
me. So now, 4 years later – I knew God was saying ‘Be strong and courageous,
for I am with you wherever you go.’ I did not know what the outcome would be,
but I had a Holy confidence to walk into the very thing I did not want to do.
And do you know what He did? He gave me some answers.
Endometriosis. The doctor took it out and I healed in a few days.
I am still on this journey. I don’t know how it will end.
I’m a little scared of asking. But I know that I overcame a huge hurdle of
surgery – the Lord truly made a mountain a level plain before me. (Zechariah
4:7) And for the first time in a while it occurred to me that God wants me to
succeed (thanks to wise words of a speaker at that conference.)
So my question is – what risk is before you? What unknown do
you need to walk into? Maybe it’s time for a fresh encounter with the God of
faith, and a fresh look at Joshua, or David, or Joseph, or Abraham. Maybe it’s
time to realize God is for you.
Maybe it’s time to succeed.
