Phoneless

Luke 8:4-15

Last night, I left my phone at work. About half way home I realized this… I told my husband who was driving, and he almost turned around. It took a few seconds to realize it wasn’t going to be worth the trouble, so we went home. As we drove, I actually got excited about the possibility of not having the thing tied to me. I then realized – I would have no phone calls, no texts, no emails, no one demanding my time, no push notifications. I was exhilarated. What could I do with an entire evening free? I remembered Mel Gibson’s great quote – ‘FREEDOM!!!!’ (In a Scottish accent…)

I got home, picked a movie to watch, and something to read - I had 4 hours of free time ahead of me.  Just before I settled into my movie, I went to grab my phone to see what time it was. It wasn’t there. Oh yeah I thought, Freedom! I then realized no one could get a hold of me. What if I was needed, what if something wasn’t finished at work? What if someone had a question?

What kind of state do we live in when we are anxious about not having the ability to instantly connect? I worried about someone NOT being able to get a hold of me. Wait. They could get my husband if they wanted me…Good - what about work?  It could wait until tomorrow. Ok. How do I set an alarm to get up? What did people do before cell phones? (AARGH)

So what did people do before cell phones? Internet? TV?

Well – they lived. They enjoyed their spouse. They went to the library. They sat outside and talked. I have become so busy, that I don’t even have time to watch the TV show that I DVR’ed.

Isn’t it time to get back to life? I realized I hadn’t even studied lately for a new revelation from God. I used to do that all the time - Study to find out what His word meant – what the original Greek or Hebrew said about His truths. Do I not have time for God’s truth? Do I not have time to join with the One who made the Heavens and the Earth? No wonder I’m exhausted, depressed and searching. I forgot to go back to the One Who Is. He is my everything, my sustainer, my all. I forgot. How could I? And replace Him with a phone?

Luke 8:14 says ‘The seed that fell among thorns stands for those who hear, but as they go on their way they are choked by life's worries, riches and pleasures, and they do not mature.’

One of my biggest lessons came from an incredible simulcast I attended in Brooklyn. Luke 8:4-15 was the focus. The emphasis was that the seed was also the word of God. It explains how believers hear the word, and the reasons they lose perspective. I believe verse 18 is an especially troubling truth of our time. The word of God, the promises of God are choked out by life’s worries, riches and pleasures. The result is clear…’They do not mature.’ How sad. It’s a great ploy. Keep believers where they are, comfortable or worried about life’s cares… and suddenly the believer has no impact on the Kingdom. We have lost our impact. Its effect is subtle. We don’t even realize that we aren’t growing, maturing or learning. We are focused on the present and on the circumstances.

I think it’s time to claim our life back. Put down the phone, the computer, the TV. Pick up the Word. Go to the one who holds our hands. He has our circumstances under control. Just go to Him. You don’t need a reason. Seek Him. 'Draw near to Him and He will draw near to you' (James 4:8.)

Let’s see what He has in store. We won’t know until we stop focusing on our plans and start focusing on His. Want an adventure? Just let go! You never know where He is going to take you… It may just be Asheville (or New York…) or England… The sky’s the limit! Or is it????

'For nothing is impossible with God.' (Luke 1:37.)

New Beginings

Wow - where has time gone? It's been a long time since my last post - and a lot can happen in a year. We have now moved our lives to North Carolina. The Lord has called Joe to be the worship pastor and we are excited. Our roller coaster roads have been a 'set-up' by God to bring us to Asheville.

A year and a half ago, when we were in the midst of the worst time with mom's illness, a sweet girl gave me the verse - Habakkuk 1:5. It reads "The LORD replied, "Look around at the nations; look and be amazed! For I am doing something in your own day, something you wouldn't believe even if someone told you about it.' What's funny about this is that it spoke truth. None of me believed that something 'new' was happening. In my eyes, I saw sadness, anxiety, endings, devastation. God, on the other hand, was aligning events that all led to the path that we are on now. I didn't see that selling mom's house and downsizing our own would result in that fact that God was moving us to Asheville. He knew it would be quick, and we wouldn't have time to accomplish everything; So, God took care of  it in advance.

Our pastor just preached a sermon and mentioned, 'the just shall live by faith.' Sometimes you never know the meaning of living by faith until you walk a road - and you can't see where you are going. God certainly helped me to understand walking without seeing this past year. The difference in my anxiety and peace was trust. Why couldn't I trust that God was working things out? Why couldn't I have confidence that He was in this for me? Because I was walking by sight.

The blessing is that God is merciful. In my lack of faith, He still accomplished His purpose. Why? #1 - He is God. #2 - I believe that in His graciousness, He knew my husband and I wanted to do what He wanted for us. We happened to exercise and tiny bit of faith. The Lord Himself tells us that if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.(Math 17:20) I don't know about you, but I saw what God accomplished with a little bit of faith. Could you imagine what He could do with a mustard seed of faith? A whole mountain would move! Jesus ends that verse with the words - 'Nothing would be impossible.'

What are the possibilities of 'Nothing would be impossible?' Maybe it's time to ask God to move mountains. He may just be doing something you wouldn't believe - even if someone told you about it...Shouldn't we exercise our faith more?

 

Here's to New Beginnings - let's get a jump start on it, before the New Year comes.

Ask.

Matthew 7:7 -Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you

 Decisions:

What hospital? What nursing home? Do we sale her home? Do we go on Medicaid? What about her dog? Her money?

So many decisions.  My brain hurts… I have been running around trying to decide, to call and cancel, to go where I need to be, stay where I need to be. To be.

I am so tired of decisions. I don’t want to make another choice.

So when I finally hit bottom (again…) I realize… God has it. He makes the decisions for us if we let Him.  He has a plan laid out if we relax and trust.  For me, it’s trying to figure out when to relax. It’s so hard to leave mom at the hospital – knowing she’s sick, but there is only so much ‘I’ can do.  The Lord has to bring me -once again- to the end of myself to let Him work.

I don’t know how this is going to turn out. I don’t know where to go next, or what to do.  I just want Him to take over and do this. I can’t anymore.  Sometimes – we hear about God and how He carries us.  We want that, but do we truly want that?  We can’t be carried by Him, until we are at the end of ourselves or our situation.  Sometimes I wish I wasn’t so ‘hard headed’ as to need these situations to bring me to the end of myself.

My encouragement to you:   God will answer, He will carry, He will lead… We just have to let Him.  Take it from me.  Let Him lead you now, before you absolutely have nowhere to turn.  Or, would you experience God – as He is – if we weren’t in the ship, in the storm, seeing Him walk on the water?  (Matthew 14:22-33) Would we ask Him to come to us if we weren’t at the end of ourselves? Oh, that we would.

Ask and it shall be given you, seek and you will find, knock, and the door will be opened unto you.  This is truth. Are you willing to believe? To ask Him and dare to watch Him work? He will.  Let go.  Let Him.

The never ending story…

Ex. 3:7-8 ‘And the Lord said, I have surely seen the affliction of my people who are in Egypt, and have heard their cry because of their taskmasters and oppressors; for I know their sorrows and sufferings and trials. And I have come down to deliver them out of the hand and the power of the Egyptians, and to bring the up out of that land to a land good and large, a land flowing with milk and honey (a land of plenty)

I have never quite been on such an emotional rollercoaster as this year. One minute we are eating a meal, the next second, we get a call that we are headed to the hospital with mom again. Then we are in ICU and out of ICU, then we are in a nursing home for 1.5 days, and back to hospital due to high fever and chills. I have never treasured the simple moments with friends and family like I have now. I have never had to accept food from friends, or help cleaning…. This is hard.

I keep hearing songs about storms or hurricanes. I read devotions about building faith during trials. I hear people counseling me about going through these times to build to lean to learn to do this and that. And dang it… I’m over it all. I’m over walking through a colorless hallway with beeping noises and people screaming out. Or being ignored at a desk trying to find out which room my mother is in since no one told me she was out of ICU. I’m tired of the smell of this place. I’m tired of IVs and people gathering blood -waking us up at 3 am trying to find a vein. Now I love my vampire movies, but today when they had to give her blood intravenously… I’m reaching my last straw. However, I do find a little joy in my mother calling the blood gatherers vampires…

I talked to my husband and told him I was tired of this and I was going to pray differently. I did not want sit down and lean into the storm and wait for the waves to pound – they are pounding anyway. So- I cried out to Jesus. I have nowhere to turn, no clue what to do, and I don’t like this storm. I need help.

Do you know what happened?

He brought peace. Mom is where she needs to be. I am where I need to be. I don’t understand this road, but I want Jesus at my side helping me. Every problem we’ve encountered, he’s provided a solution and a direction – we just have to wait for Him to provide. Jehovah Jireh – my provider.

If there is anything I can encourage you to do – it’s get to know Him. We hear about who He is but do we know Him?

Abeyance

I just saw a quote: “LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS, IT'S ABOUT LEARNING TO DANCE IN THE RAIN."

I have spent the past 2 years waiting for the storm to pass… Consequently, it’s gotten harder, louder and much more tumultuous. I feel my strength waning. God has taken absolutely everything in my life and brought it to a standstill – so I would listen. The definition of abeyance is: - noun: temporary inactivity, cessation, or suspension: Let's hold that problem in abeyance for a while.

I am writing this sitting next to my mother who is in her 2nd hospital stay this year. Her shallow breaths remind me of what is important. I don’t know the time I have left with her, but I do know nothing else matters during this time. I hate that I am so stubborn of a person that God has to completely stop life, and set me in a chair beside my ailing mother to capture my attention. I have spent so much of this year with Him, but it seems more like a wrestling match. I want to know who He is, who I am, What He is doing in my life, where my next road is leading, what I’m supposed to do with mom…. I have soooooo many questions.

He answers – Be still.

Nothing else can hold my attention right now – not the job, not the roaming cell phone with no coverage, not the house. Not even friends. Just sit and be. Listen to her breath. Pray for her peace. Pray for her joy, pray for her strength. Pray she recovers quickly.

What really matters in this life? God GIVES us jobs, home and futures. He guards all that is ours (Psalm 16:5b NLT) Why are we concerned with that? Why am I? This is time with the person God chose to bring me into this world – the person God chose to raise me. She is the one who bred my love of the Lord. She is the one who taught me strength in the Lord amidst dark and lonely trials we walked together. She has been my support and my ear. A voice guiding me. A voice the Lord has blessed me with -  more than I could ever thank Him for.

I almost want to write this a warning. To you who want life figured out, to you who want the path clearly marked, to you who think – ‘This is what the Lord has for me.’ Woe to you I say… Stop.

“A man's heart deviseth his way: but the LORD directeth his steps (Prov. 16:9) This is the truth. If you truly want to live a life with God – surrendered, and in line with His will, then you must remember – He directeth your steps :)…. It has taken a strong dose of my mom’s tribulations to bring me to this point. All I have been able to do is sit by her bed and wait. Wait for the Dr. to find out what’s wrong, then treat her. Wait for the social worker to tell me No to rehab, wait to see where she goes next… The Lord has even used others – as I sit and… wait.

But is waiting so bad? Once I let go of everything – He brought every answer to me. All I had to do was sit with mom and watch episodes of NCIS, Law and Order SVU, and Jonny Depp movies. It all boils down to simplicity and dependence on Him. If only I had listened to this… 2 years ago – but some of us (clearly me) need a 2x4 to the forehead.

What I’m trying to say is let God guide your steps and stop trying to figure it out. The question is, what is God saying to you?

Why don’t we let Him paint this picture?

He is, after all, the Orginator of Art...

Apprehended

I recently had a friend bring to my attention that I hadn’t blogged in a while. This caused me to realize that I hadn’t sent out the devotional emails.

Then, a strong realization of myself came as the pastor read a story about Simon of Cyrene. It was a fictional story of a unique viewpoint from Simon. He was weighing in his mind that if the man whose cross he carried was actually God. He described moments of picking up the cross, the look on Jesus’ face and the crowd around him. 1


As I was hearing this story – it stirred the passion in my heart of who I am. I know Christ, He is mine and I am His. I long to see Him preached to the dying world; I long to see those of us who are His striving to seek Him; To see a passion unleashed among His believers to answer the call on their life; To reach out and be changed by Him, no longer to sit on their behinds waiting for the next best thing to happen.


We have Christ – we have His word at our disposal. We have the liberty to teach and preach Him. And what are we doing with this???


I have spent the last 3 months wrestling with the devastation of my mother’s stroke on New Year’s Eve. I’ve gone through the fear of her dying, to the grieving of knowing she will never be the same. I have been anxious over where this will leave me and my husband in a few months when she has to leave the assisted living facility – and I don’t know what to do. I have no control over this situation – and have let it beat me down. I have let my circumstances shrivel me up into a sad pit of a person waiting for the next bad thing to happen.

I realized today – that satan has tried to ruin me and keep me in a pit of self destruction. That I am believing the lies he has told over and over. I have gotten to the place that I believe those lies over God, His word, His spirit, His comfort, His rest, His victory. I am choosing depression and fear and regret and anxiety as my new life.

His word says ‘For no word from God will ever fail.’ (Luke 1:37) ‘It is the same with my word. I send it out, and it always produces fruit. It will accomplish all I want it to, and it will prosper everywhere I send it.’ (Isaiah 55:11)

So who are we going to believe? Was that man that walked the road to Golgotha, God? Do we have a victor that is greater? Will He overcome?

So what now? Will you be apprehended for Him?

[1] A chapter from ‘The Salty Tang’ ; What the Passenger Told the Captain by Frederick Speakman.

New Season

(Daniel 2:21-22) And he changeth the times and the seasons: he removeth kings, and setteth up kings: he giveth wisdom unto the wise, and knowledge to them that know understanding: 22He revealeth the deep and secret things: he knoweth what is in the darkness, and the light dwelleth with him.


A wise person once said that we enter new seasons periodically in our life, and she can tell when the new season begins by the scripture the Lord is providing. We theoretically are going into, in the middle of, or are leaving a season. I personally love the ideas of seasons and change – that’s of course until the ‘rubber meets the road’ and I have to change.


I have to be honest though, I almost missed the fact that I’m about to begin a new season. How do we miss the changing seasons? How do we miss what God is about to do? Or how do we wind up in the middle of something new and are completely caught off guard?


The answer, the truth of it is simple. ‘Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.’ (Psalm 119:105)


God took me away from everything I knew and everyone I knew, and everything that had been or held familiarity in my life and put me in a city that couldn’t be more different from my life. Why would He do this – only to bring me back?


I have been pondering this for just about a year now, and realized something. In New York, I completely depended on Him. I had NO CHOICE…. Life was upside down and as different as one would think it would be relocating from Knoxville, TN to New York City. Therefore I chose to lean on God and listen to Him. He provided daily, not only providing what we needed, but provided it abundantly. He taught me abandonment to him and fulfillment through him. And above all, He taught me utter dependence on Him without thought to self and comfort. (i.e. No central heat and air, and walking every dadgum day of your life – rain or shine, snow or heat, terrorist alerts in the city, or even when I was sick. I walked… and walked and walked.)


Like I said, I had no choice. I could remain in timidity and fear, or I could walk forward boldly with the One who was guiding me and protecting me – and I did! To Him be the Glory!!!!


Then one fateful day…. We moved back to TN. To familiarity, to cars, to central heat and air – to comfort. And what happened? I didn’t need Him anymore. My friends and family are here… I have a house, not just an apartment that could be taken away at a landlord’s whim… I have a car, and can drive to lunch while it is raining – (that was a grand moment!!!)


Hence…. God, my prayer life, my Bible study time all went on the back burner, and I became ordinary.


How miserable is ordinary? At first it’s great, because you are worrying for nothing, and feel ‘secure.’ Then you start watching life go by and wondering why you are not participating in it… No big adventures to the capital of the world. No life in a world where every opportunity you can imagine is at your fingertips. Just living an ordinary life.


So that’s when God started calling me to Him again. It wasn’t a burning bush, it wasn’t a voice in the desert… It was missing what I thought was the adventure. The dream I had yearned for all of my life being again, back in NY. It was that I was missing that life.


So He started with yearning and unfulfillment. But I didn’t seek Him, I just sat around depressed a little. Then He decided to add some turmoil… bills, conflict with people I care about, even questioning my calling to where I am now. He grated me down till I was humble and at His feet saying ‘I don’t deserve this, but God please help me.’


Within a week, He had me refocused. He moved in monumental ways. He is aligning the very thing I was praying for. All of this because I came back to Him – like the prodigal son returning to the Father.


Now, He is showing me His view on life. He is bringing a new season that I could have sacrificed for the sake of comfort! I hear Him. I hear Him calling! He is revealing His word to me! (Dan 2:21b) I see that my life anywhere else in this world would be ordinary and mundane, because I wouldn’t be in His will. His will is for me to be here – now. And I know my life will be teaming with excitement.


Thank you God for bringing me back!


So my question to you is…. What is He calling you to? Don’t miss Him. He may be in that conflict, or that house payment, or that car repair. He may be in the hardship at work, or that difficult person you dread to see coming.


You want the truth of it? He is. He is in all of that. He’s just waiting for you to turn to Him and say… ‘I don’t deserve this, but help me.’ Let’s see what adventure He has in store for you.