Worthy

Good morning.

It’s been a while since I’ve been on here. I am hoping today finds you well. I find myself in my 8^th month of pregnancy – and what a journey.

The last 8 months have been easier than the 14 years it took to get here… but this month seems a little rough. I know many of you have gone before me in this journey and understand the sleepless nights (I know you are thinking… just wait till little bambino arrives…) but that’s where I’m feeling some angst.

God has used these last few months for a long hard look at me. I am realizing how much I have let outside circumstances control me. Can I get an amen? I have seen years of my life lived through an unhealthy lens. In the end – I have not lived like a daughter of the most high. I have lived feeling like I can’t live up to and don’t deserve to be in the room with the rest of His daughters.

How many of us have such a cloudy view? The culprit is insecurity – and it is rampant in women. We are taught from day one about competition. We are brought up in society to strive to be what media deems as a worthy woman. And we actually challenge ourselves to be that. How can we take a messed up society and put our worth and value in what they think?

The answer is where we put our time. We listen to what people say. We let everyone around us influence our decisions. We read magazines, watch TV and listen to a radio where we want to swing from the light fixtures… (I can’t get that song out of my head now…)

Are we filling our minds with truth though? Is our best image a 5’10 Photo shopped model that hasn’t eaten in 3 years? The answer is… NO.

I realized that at the end of my anxiety rant of not fitting into anything, and feeling a little like the hot air balloons we are decorating my nursery in… that my time has not been well spent the last few months. I am striving to figure out how to get a nursery put together and I need to sit back down and listen to One who created me.

The truth: I am chosen, adopted, transformed, renewed and loved. Did you know you are too?

My Goal: To spend time with the one who gives peace. To hear what He has to say about me. I know I’ve talked a lot about this this summer – but that’s been my road. I think he wants to help me rid myself of lies before this baby comes. I don’t want to put my crazy insecurities on him.

My other goal: That you as well take time to hear truth. You are called. You have a calling. God has chosen you to be the mom, coworker, teacher, friend, sister, wife, collaborator, or whatever he has put you in, and you are there with a mission and purpose. You are designed to accomplish the task with His help. Today – I want you to put Him at the helm. What is He saying to you? Where does He want you? What is He teaching you?

I heard a piece of a study by Mark Batterson (from his new book ‘If’) and he was explaining the time we spend with God. We as reactatory people live in so much condemnation over confessed sins – that we don’t actually hear truth. He said condemnation is guilt over confessed sins and conviction is guilt over unconfessed sins. In life we live in guilt over sins we have confessed. We spend a lot of time regretting sins that we commit, but not so much in sins we ‘omit.’ Sins of omission are sins of things we need to do, but don’t. I think that’s been this examination of my viewpoint. We work on trying to not sin the way we always do, but we don’t always realize that we are sinning by not doing.

Hang on here – there is a point. I am not living like a God ordained child. I am living like a flawed individual not even seeing that I hand my worth over willingly to other people. This is the meaning of the verses Psalm 139:23-24 – Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

This isn’t to condemn you – it’s to help you see that you may be living in a state you don’t even realize. Daily I see new things that shaped my thinking. I see how I react to things, and I am completely wrong. These things shape my reactions and my long term belief not only of myself and who I am, but also of my low view point of God.

Truth – I have gained weight…a good amount – but it is to carry the gift He has given me, and this gift seems to like steak biscuits and gravy.

Lie- I look horrible, I can’t believe how much weight I have gained, I need to eat 100 calories a day till he comes…

If I live in the truth, then I don’t care what people think – and I can enjoy the fact that I am pregnant – something I wasn’t sure would ever happen. I can live abundantly with Christ and his promise by the renewing and transforming of my mind. (Romans 12:2)

If I live in the lie, then I take every ‘large, fat, your about to pop’ comment to heart – knowing I have another month and will get bigger. I will live miserably hating what I see instead of cherishing a promise that God is handing me. I will live in anxiety.

I know I’m not alone. I know that we do this with so many things in our lives.

Ladies (and gentlemen,) let’s live in the truth. Today –gird yourself with the belt of truth. Spend time with Jesus. Ask him to bathe you in truth and peace. You’ve got a heck of a life to live. Do you want to live in anxiety or abundance?

Let’s live in abundance. I have a precious gift that I want to cherish.

You are a precious gift from God and you are cherished. Let’s act like it!