Abeyance

I just saw a quote: “LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS, IT'S ABOUT LEARNING TO DANCE IN THE RAIN."

I have spent the past 2 years waiting for the storm to pass… Consequently, it’s gotten harder, louder and much more tumultuous. I feel my strength waning. God has taken absolutely everything in my life and brought it to a standstill – so I would listen. The definition of abeyance is: - noun: temporary inactivity, cessation, or suspension: Let's hold that problem in abeyance for a while.

I am writing this sitting next to my mother who is in her 2nd hospital stay this year. Her shallow breaths remind me of what is important. I don’t know the time I have left with her, but I do know nothing else matters during this time. I hate that I am so stubborn of a person that God has to completely stop life, and set me in a chair beside my ailing mother to capture my attention. I have spent so much of this year with Him, but it seems more like a wrestling match. I want to know who He is, who I am, What He is doing in my life, where my next road is leading, what I’m supposed to do with mom…. I have soooooo many questions.

He answers – Be still.

Nothing else can hold my attention right now – not the job, not the roaming cell phone with no coverage, not the house. Not even friends. Just sit and be. Listen to her breath. Pray for her peace. Pray for her joy, pray for her strength. Pray she recovers quickly.

What really matters in this life? God GIVES us jobs, home and futures. He guards all that is ours (Psalm 16:5b NLT) Why are we concerned with that? Why am I? This is time with the person God chose to bring me into this world – the person God chose to raise me. She is the one who bred my love of the Lord. She is the one who taught me strength in the Lord amidst dark and lonely trials we walked together. She has been my support and my ear. A voice guiding me. A voice the Lord has blessed me with -  more than I could ever thank Him for.

I almost want to write this a warning. To you who want life figured out, to you who want the path clearly marked, to you who think – ‘This is what the Lord has for me.’ Woe to you I say… Stop.

“A man's heart deviseth his way: but the LORD directeth his steps (Prov. 16:9) This is the truth. If you truly want to live a life with God – surrendered, and in line with His will, then you must remember – He directeth your steps :)…. It has taken a strong dose of my mom’s tribulations to bring me to this point. All I have been able to do is sit by her bed and wait. Wait for the Dr. to find out what’s wrong, then treat her. Wait for the social worker to tell me No to rehab, wait to see where she goes next… The Lord has even used others – as I sit and… wait.

But is waiting so bad? Once I let go of everything – He brought every answer to me. All I had to do was sit with mom and watch episodes of NCIS, Law and Order SVU, and Jonny Depp movies. It all boils down to simplicity and dependence on Him. If only I had listened to this… 2 years ago – but some of us (clearly me) need a 2x4 to the forehead.

What I’m trying to say is let God guide your steps and stop trying to figure it out. The question is, what is God saying to you?

Why don’t we let Him paint this picture?

He is, after all, the Orginator of Art...

Apprehended

I recently had a friend bring to my attention that I hadn’t blogged in a while. This caused me to realize that I hadn’t sent out the devotional emails.

Then, a strong realization of myself came as the pastor read a story about Simon of Cyrene. It was a fictional story of a unique viewpoint from Simon. He was weighing in his mind that if the man whose cross he carried was actually God. He described moments of picking up the cross, the look on Jesus’ face and the crowd around him. 1


As I was hearing this story – it stirred the passion in my heart of who I am. I know Christ, He is mine and I am His. I long to see Him preached to the dying world; I long to see those of us who are His striving to seek Him; To see a passion unleashed among His believers to answer the call on their life; To reach out and be changed by Him, no longer to sit on their behinds waiting for the next best thing to happen.


We have Christ – we have His word at our disposal. We have the liberty to teach and preach Him. And what are we doing with this???


I have spent the last 3 months wrestling with the devastation of my mother’s stroke on New Year’s Eve. I’ve gone through the fear of her dying, to the grieving of knowing she will never be the same. I have been anxious over where this will leave me and my husband in a few months when she has to leave the assisted living facility – and I don’t know what to do. I have no control over this situation – and have let it beat me down. I have let my circumstances shrivel me up into a sad pit of a person waiting for the next bad thing to happen.

I realized today – that satan has tried to ruin me and keep me in a pit of self destruction. That I am believing the lies he has told over and over. I have gotten to the place that I believe those lies over God, His word, His spirit, His comfort, His rest, His victory. I am choosing depression and fear and regret and anxiety as my new life.

His word says ‘For no word from God will ever fail.’ (Luke 1:37) ‘It is the same with my word. I send it out, and it always produces fruit. It will accomplish all I want it to, and it will prosper everywhere I send it.’ (Isaiah 55:11)

So who are we going to believe? Was that man that walked the road to Golgotha, God? Do we have a victor that is greater? Will He overcome?

So what now? Will you be apprehended for Him?

[1] A chapter from ‘The Salty Tang’ ; What the Passenger Told the Captain by Frederick Speakman.

New Season

(Daniel 2:21-22) And he changeth the times and the seasons: he removeth kings, and setteth up kings: he giveth wisdom unto the wise, and knowledge to them that know understanding: 22He revealeth the deep and secret things: he knoweth what is in the darkness, and the light dwelleth with him.


A wise person once said that we enter new seasons periodically in our life, and she can tell when the new season begins by the scripture the Lord is providing. We theoretically are going into, in the middle of, or are leaving a season. I personally love the ideas of seasons and change – that’s of course until the ‘rubber meets the road’ and I have to change.


I have to be honest though, I almost missed the fact that I’m about to begin a new season. How do we miss the changing seasons? How do we miss what God is about to do? Or how do we wind up in the middle of something new and are completely caught off guard?


The answer, the truth of it is simple. ‘Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.’ (Psalm 119:105)


God took me away from everything I knew and everyone I knew, and everything that had been or held familiarity in my life and put me in a city that couldn’t be more different from my life. Why would He do this – only to bring me back?


I have been pondering this for just about a year now, and realized something. In New York, I completely depended on Him. I had NO CHOICE…. Life was upside down and as different as one would think it would be relocating from Knoxville, TN to New York City. Therefore I chose to lean on God and listen to Him. He provided daily, not only providing what we needed, but provided it abundantly. He taught me abandonment to him and fulfillment through him. And above all, He taught me utter dependence on Him without thought to self and comfort. (i.e. No central heat and air, and walking every dadgum day of your life – rain or shine, snow or heat, terrorist alerts in the city, or even when I was sick. I walked… and walked and walked.)


Like I said, I had no choice. I could remain in timidity and fear, or I could walk forward boldly with the One who was guiding me and protecting me – and I did! To Him be the Glory!!!!


Then one fateful day…. We moved back to TN. To familiarity, to cars, to central heat and air – to comfort. And what happened? I didn’t need Him anymore. My friends and family are here… I have a house, not just an apartment that could be taken away at a landlord’s whim… I have a car, and can drive to lunch while it is raining – (that was a grand moment!!!)


Hence…. God, my prayer life, my Bible study time all went on the back burner, and I became ordinary.


How miserable is ordinary? At first it’s great, because you are worrying for nothing, and feel ‘secure.’ Then you start watching life go by and wondering why you are not participating in it… No big adventures to the capital of the world. No life in a world where every opportunity you can imagine is at your fingertips. Just living an ordinary life.


So that’s when God started calling me to Him again. It wasn’t a burning bush, it wasn’t a voice in the desert… It was missing what I thought was the adventure. The dream I had yearned for all of my life being again, back in NY. It was that I was missing that life.


So He started with yearning and unfulfillment. But I didn’t seek Him, I just sat around depressed a little. Then He decided to add some turmoil… bills, conflict with people I care about, even questioning my calling to where I am now. He grated me down till I was humble and at His feet saying ‘I don’t deserve this, but God please help me.’


Within a week, He had me refocused. He moved in monumental ways. He is aligning the very thing I was praying for. All of this because I came back to Him – like the prodigal son returning to the Father.


Now, He is showing me His view on life. He is bringing a new season that I could have sacrificed for the sake of comfort! I hear Him. I hear Him calling! He is revealing His word to me! (Dan 2:21b) I see that my life anywhere else in this world would be ordinary and mundane, because I wouldn’t be in His will. His will is for me to be here – now. And I know my life will be teaming with excitement.


Thank you God for bringing me back!


So my question to you is…. What is He calling you to? Don’t miss Him. He may be in that conflict, or that house payment, or that car repair. He may be in the hardship at work, or that difficult person you dread to see coming.


You want the truth of it? He is. He is in all of that. He’s just waiting for you to turn to Him and say… ‘I don’t deserve this, but help me.’ Let’s see what adventure He has in store for you.

This time, I will Dance

This time, I will dance


Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Have you ever asked God for something, and He gave it to you, only to walk through it timidly? You found you have the one thing you asked for - yet you let life, people and circumstances dictate you - to your own misery. You let people intimidate you, or you worry about everything until you are a beat up pulp with no life left. Then the very thing you wanted is gone or removed partly due to the heartache you let it incur.

But what if He brings it back to your life. What will you do? Stare at it remember those horrible things that happened before… or will you trust the scripture and do what Paul so honorably states in Philippians 3:13b? Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Forget the past. Let go of the trouble. I know it’s hard, but Christ is there waiting for you to bring your burdens to him - for his Yoke is light(Matt 11:30).

So the question remains.

What will you do this second time around?
This new season God is bringing you.

There is a season for everything (Ecc. 3:1)
Ecc. 3:4b ‘A time to grieve and a time to dance”

Last time, I grieved. I lost. I went gray (headed.)
This time, I will dance (and bring along my root cover-up).

What is God saying to you dear one?
Dance.

The End is the Beginning

The end is the beginning.


Isaiah 43:16-19 (NASB)

16Thus says the LORD,
Who Makes a way through the sea
And a path through the mighty waters,
17Who brings forth the chariot and the horse,
The army and the mighty man
They will lie down together and not rise again;
They have been quenched and extinguished like a wick):
18"Do not call to mind the former things,
Or ponder things of the past.
19"Behold, I will do something new,
Now it will spring forth;
Will you not be aware of it?
I will even make a roadway in the wilderness,
Rivers in the desert.



Behold, I do new thing…(V.19 NIV)



How do we live when something ends?

When the one thing we think we are living for ends?

The whole purpose for our current existence is over/gone?

Evaporated.

Ended.

These are questions I struggle with, but sense the solution.

For us to achieve something good, something greater, the current thing must end.

Endings are sad. They sting, they leave us with a lot of “what ifs…”

But for that new work to begin, we must end with the old work.

That’s the part that keeps us from moving on. We hold onto to the other thing like an old wet blanket, or worn out shoe.

We love the shoe. We wore the shoe with pride. We are comfortable with the shoe. We know the shoe; but now, the shoe has a hole in it. The sole is flopping around and hanging off the bottom of the shoe.

There is a better shoe, more up to date, more comfortable, and may even longer lasting shoe waiting for us. We just have to let go of the old shoe and go get the new shoe. It may take a few weeks to wear-in the shoe, but it’s perfect now.

Life hands us crazy roads to walk.

God gives us shoes… if we let Him.. He has new perfect pair just waiting, but we have to let go of the old and trust him.

He has our best interest at heart. He has a new work for us. But we have to go with him. We have to let the old shoe go. You never know what kind of new shoe he’s bringing. You may be trading in your payless for Jimmy Choo…

Let go and let God.

A Blank Page

A Blank Page.

Psalm 119:32
You know, a wise person once instructed me in writing down scripture that the Lord speaks to me on index cards. One frequented verse  is Luke 11:9 "Ask and it shall be given you, seek and you shall find, knock and the door will be opened unto you." Another is Psalm 90:17 "And may the Lord our God show us his approval and make our efforts successful. Yes, make our efforts successful!"
I have a stack of cards in my Bible filled with verses on both sides. Verses the Lord gave me before I was ever called to New York. Verses that assured the calling to New York. Verses that got me through New York. Verses that brought me back home. Those verses were there for me every time I was having a crisis of some sort. I would just pick up a card, and the Lord would hand me the exact verse. I would feel like a nothing, with nothing to hold onto, and He would remind me of His promises over and over. Those verses are as familiar to me as air. My life support. “I will hide His word in my heart"(Ps 119:11). “Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path” (Ps 119:105.)

Well, today, as I was driving to Wal-Mart (a commodity not located in NYC,) I felt myself question some new paths the Lord seems to be laying before my feet. I dramatically reached over to my bible and pulled out a card (almost hitting a curb…) and looked down - expecting that perfect answer He has been giving me for YEARS. However, what I saw was a blank card. Nothing on either side. And it hit me. This script is new. This time is new. This season is new. It’s being written now.

Those verses were all there to encourage my season before and during New York. And those verses were promises of things to come. Promises to be fulfilled. And quite frankly, I thought they were going to be fulfilled in New York. But “my thoughts are not your thoughts and my ways aren’t your ways”(Is 55:8.)
So I happened to be reading a devotional tonight and got Ps. 119:32. The majority of the devotion focused on our potential and how it is so much greater than we know - and about what we can achieve when God multiplies our efforts .Ps 90:17 “And may the Lord our God show us his approval
and make our efforts successful.” This has been my prayer. Let our efforts be successful . Then, the light came on. I realized that God is about to send me into something He’s been preparing me for now, and I have to let go of New York.

His purpose is now. Not last year. Not last month, Not last season. Now.

If we really turn our lives over to Him. We have to trust Him with every second. Even when those seconds don’t necessarily involve my own personal plan.

So - do I abandon? Do I let go? Do I move forward into something that I didn’t for all intents and purposes ask for? Or did I ask for this, and God is just giving me something in a package I definitely did not expect? It even seems to be marked with a sense of Humor only God can produce. And How many times did I pray for God to make my efforts successful?

So what verse did God give me for my blank page?
I will run the course of your commandments, for you shall enlarge my heart. Ps. 119:32.

He will choose the time and place. We just go.

There and Back Again

There and back again.

Matthew 19:28-29

Today, I found a priceless picture a dear friend of mine gave to me to. Why is this so special? Why find it today?

I happened to find it because I am unpacking. I’m unpacking from a move that just brought me back from a three year journey that I did not quite want to leave yet.

You see, the Lord called my husband and me to a special place - New York City - three years ago. It was a choice to leave everything we hold near and dear behind. We literally sold our house, car, and left for a place we knew nothing of. We had no friends there, no real connection - just a calling of God. And boy did he bless that calling.

He took years of life circumstances, weaknesses, ups, downs, disappointments and broken spirits, and gave us the journey of a lifetime. He brought healing to a heart that was devastated. He released us from chains of bondage such as legalism, closed-mindedness, and piousness. He introduced to people that have walked roads we never have or will walk. He showed us how to depend on Him alone for our every need. He gave us a love for an impossible city.. We did fall in love with that city.

Then, three years into that journey, He brought us back. We once again packed up all we had and headed back into the unknown, (Well, partially unknown - I did grow up here...) He brought back family and friends that had pained me so to leave. He is restoring relationships and righting hurts. But the entire reason for bringing us back has not yet been revealed. So now I wait again, for that revelation of God and this road yet to be traveled.

What will it hold? What will this new journey bestow? Well, the pages have been written - It’s up to me to figure out what’s on the page.

So my challenge to you is this….

Is God calling you to something beyond your comprehension? Something you’ve yearned for yet have a fear of doing. Or is there a restless spirit to start a Sunday School class, or Bible study, or join the choir? Perhaps He is calling you to move across town, across state, across country or even across the world.

I say Go. Embrace the Journey God has written for you. You will never be the same.

So what was that picture I found today? It is a picture my friend created for me as a going away to New York gift. There are street signs from New York. First of all, the signs alone just represent what God was saying to me in Psalm 25:4. “Show me the right path oh Lord, teach me the road to follow”

But then, also pictured below the street signs is this scripture.

Jesus said to them, “I tell you the truth, at the renewal of all things, when the Son of Man sits on His glorious throne, you who have followed me will also sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal Life.” Matthew 19:28-29

Thank you Sandra - You will never know how God used this in my life.