I just saw a quote: “LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS, IT'S ABOUT LEARNING TO DANCE IN THE RAIN."
I have spent the past 2 years waiting for the storm to pass… Consequently, it’s gotten harder, louder and much more tumultuous. I feel my strength waning. God has taken absolutely everything in my life and brought it to a standstill – so I would listen. The definition of abeyance is: - noun: temporary inactivity, cessation, or suspension: Let's hold that problem in abeyance for a while.
I am writing this sitting next to my mother who is in her 2nd hospital stay this year. Her shallow breaths remind me of what is important. I don’t know the time I have left with her, but I do know nothing else matters during this time. I hate that I am so stubborn of a person that God has to completely stop life, and set me in a chair beside my ailing mother to capture my attention. I have spent so much of this year with Him, but it seems more like a wrestling match. I want to know who He is, who I am, What He is doing in my life, where my next road is leading, what I’m supposed to do with mom…. I have soooooo many questions.
He answers – Be still.
Nothing else can hold my attention right now – not the job, not the roaming cell phone with no coverage, not the house. Not even friends. Just sit and be. Listen to her breath. Pray for her peace. Pray for her joy, pray for her strength. Pray she recovers quickly.
What really matters in this life? God GIVES us jobs, home and futures. He guards all that is ours (Psalm 16:5b NLT) Why are we concerned with that? Why am I? This is time with the person God chose to bring me into this world – the person God chose to raise me. She is the one who bred my love of the Lord. She is the one who taught me strength in the Lord amidst dark and lonely trials we walked together. She has been my support and my ear. A voice guiding me. A voice the Lord has blessed me with - more than I could ever thank Him for.
I almost want to write this a warning. To you who want life figured out, to you who want the path clearly marked, to you who think – ‘This is what the Lord has for me.’ Woe to you I say… Stop.
“A man's heart deviseth his way: but the LORD directeth his steps (Prov. 16:9) This is the truth. If you truly want to live a life with God – surrendered, and in line with His will, then you must remember – He directeth your steps :)…. It has taken a strong dose of my mom’s tribulations to bring me to this point. All I have been able to do is sit by her bed and wait. Wait for the Dr. to find out what’s wrong, then treat her. Wait for the social worker to tell me No to rehab, wait to see where she goes next… The Lord has even used others – as I sit and… wait.
But is waiting so bad? Once I let go of everything – He brought every answer to me. All I had to do was sit with mom and watch episodes of NCIS, Law and Order SVU, and Jonny Depp movies. It all boils down to simplicity and dependence on Him. If only I had listened to this… 2 years ago – but some of us (clearly me) need a 2x4 to the forehead.
What I’m trying to say is let God guide your steps and stop trying to figure it out. The question is, what is God saying to you?
Why don’t we let Him paint this picture?
He is, after all, the Orginator of Art...
